Thursday, July 27, 2006

Oh No They Didn't !!

I will step in and rant about this before either The Movie Buff or Couch 'Tato do:

Rocky Balboa aka Rocky 6? Why oh why did this movie have to happen? I was going to go off on a long, vicious blog tirade about this - but I just have no energy to spare today.

Bullet points?
- I think Sylvester Stallone's bank account finally fikad a point where he inserted his ATM card to withdraw chumz and:
(1) The ATM shredded his card instantly
(2) The ATM asked HIM for money
(3) The ATM returned one of those slips with the message "Wacha Mchezo Naniiii!"

- That speech impediment is finally killing off the rest of his thinking capacity

Seriously, this will probably end up being as washed-out a movie as, say, anything after Police Academy 5. This kind of creativity rot and lack of imagination makes me want to eat my teeth!

Don't get me wrong..I loved the "Rocky" series, with Rocky 3 being my absolute favourite. Now this edition will tarnish a classic series of movies into some has-been garbage bin of DVDs that will be quickly forgotten.

I was gonna put the storyline in here but it generates to nadirs of retardation that I dare not dance with. But check it out here nevertheless.

Can't think of what needs to be done in Stallone in retribution. Maybe get him to peddle Matisyahu CDs in downtown Beirut...yeah, that should do the trick!

Currently Listening to:
The Fray - How to Save a Life
Khadja Nin - Mama Lusiya
Ne-Yo - Sexy Love
Jua Cali - Bidii Yangu
Shadz O'Blak (Remember them?) - Serengeti Groove

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Friggin' Kisima Awards

So now, who won the so-called version of our Grammies?

We need to know what happened during the Kisima awards..the losers, the winners, the drama, the performances, the disses et al. Being out of Kenya currently makes the sources of such info harder to come by.

The Kisima Awards website is too ghetto and to think that someone is / was actually paid to put together and update the site? (3Mice must have pushed this one to the accounts guys to put together!). What I'm I supposed to do on that website? "Vote who I think should spearhead the fight against piracy?". Your site gets 5 mikes for usability...yeah, usability retardedness!

Oh wait! Those news whores - The Nation and The Standard - are waiting for the weekend (all in the spirit of timeliness, just like the word "News" suggests...) to unleashe the news on their premium content magazine sections - and after making us wait so long, ask us to chomoa cash to get information that is already wrapping today's nyama at the local butchery

Kisima Awards Trust - style the fuck up and update your website with the winners and the happenings of the awards. I am guessing the organizers awarded their cronnies, mates and bosses as usual. Yay, that's what we want to read about.
And the next time you need a website done, dont take your broke-asses to 3Mice!

Entertainment Media/ Media houses - news was not called olds for a reason. Do your job. We will do ours and read the crap you put out to us (an eon later...) and then blog to bitch about it.

Anyone with updates on the Awards, tafadhali hola and update distant folk on what unfolded. Did Amani win Best Newcomer? Did they give Redsan a Lifetime Achievement Award? Did 3 artists manage to scoop all the awards up for grabs, thus rendering the seemingly democratic voting process faker than a 30 dollar bill? Oh what tangled webs they weave....

Arrgh! Makes me want to re-enact the above scene from "Office Space"!

Here is a list of winners, in case you didnt catch them...kudos to all who won.

As much as I think Nameless is a great artist and totally respect his work, persona and professionalism, the Male Artist of the Year honestly should have gone to Jua Cali, who has grown to great extremes as a lyricist, an artist and a professional.

The dudes at had a so-so pictorial of the Kisima Awards that was put up here - at least we get to see some pics

And on that note, I have officially ceased to care about these Awards. Not until next year at least..

Currently Listening to:
India.Arie - Wings Of Forgiveness
Nameless ft. Nyashinski - Jidai
Kirk Franklin - Imagine Me
Injili - Nisamehe
Crossfade - Cold (Acoustic Version)

Friday, June 23, 2006


A good friend of mine told me that he thinks this was a desecration of probably U2's best ever song...a classic...a deity among songs if ever there was One (hehehe, that choomokad nicely)....I beg and continue to beg to differ most vehemently.

Me? I think this is the most passionate and intense I have ever heard Mary J. Blige. Across a career spanning some 14 odd years. Sparked the ma-excitoz I felt when I first heard her go crazy with with Wyclef as they Called 911. Seems she thrives off collabos with eccentric musical geniuses. Remember "As" with George Michael?

Bono, The Edge & co (woishe the other dudes end up as "& co"...its like those mamas who used to be in Destiny's Child..anonymous tu...digression..) tagteam with Mary J. in an immensly soul-tingling way. I could feel an inexplicable tinga-bubbliness somewhere in theiya! The live performance at the Grammies earlier this year left many utterly blown away.

Kwa ufupi, this retouch of U2's "One" has guzad my musical hanjams in a way they haven't been guzwad in a long time.


Currently Also Listening to:
Sergio Mendes ft. Q-Tip - The Frog
Corinne Bailey Rae - Trouble Sleeping
Kutless - All The Words
The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Clicking Away in the Kitchen

After dropping a very cool Google Calendar circa last week, the kids at Google Inc. have dropped what could easily one of the coolest resources atop a lot of bachelor checklists.

I will call it Google Kitchen. The Ultimate listing of all sorts of recipes, from Grilled Swordfish With Cucumber Lime Salsa(though that one is reaching my kitchen NOTHING!) to exotically cooler sounding ones like Braised Chicken Teriyaki…adventurous ones like Drunken Chicken, not to mention the pant-dropping Asian Hot Pot With Chicken And Sweet-And-Spicy Dipping Sauce!

After a polite relocation earlier in the year (c’mon, I have to pin my blogsenteeism on something!), the need to sharpen the cooking skills has become a necessity. Heck! They have become an implement that Darwin would look at and rub his hands in glee as sufficient proof of his Theory of Natural Selection. Only the Strong Survive. Survival for the Fittest. (Did I just go all sciency and geeky on you? Wacha I stop right thurr!)

Why you ask? Obvious answers to obvious questions:
  • Home cooking is cheaper
  • Home cooking is healthier (guffaw! I laughed my way into typing that one!)
  • Don’t want no random dude in a kebab shop touching my dish with his bare hands (shuku mikono hujui zimetoka wapi - Mashifta)
  • You get to learn something new each time you cook
  • Bloody tamu feeling when you cook something tasty and right
  • And the ladies diggg a brotha who can cook (this one is more motivational and honestly belongs to the top of this list…would compare this to a chunky mama would look at a poster of Halle Berry ama even Beyoncé endlessly, cursing under her breath as she works out in the gym...just to be able to fikia the same jeans size…)
    These recipes will saidia with all the ideas and versatility they bring. Lakini the truth is this wont magically make me a gourmet chef (though I hope Google are working on something to fix that), but I could do with the practice and the ideas.

    Too bad there is no nyam chom recipe. Actually, you don’t need one. The shida here is actually finding a goat and sorting it out without the authorities making a meal out of it (couldn’t resist that one!)

    Karibuni a polite lunch, dinner, breakfast whenever.
    Disclaimer: You might need to beba a ka-stock of Actal / any other dawa ya tumbo, lest you unleash mad pungence a la the Milonare :-)

    Currently Listening to:
    The Roots – Guns are Drawn
    Matisyahu – King without a Crown (Live Version)
    Jaguar Wright – Free
    K’naan – I Was Stabbed By Satan

  • Friday, December 09, 2005

    JAM-huri Day Weekend!

    After a bit of a blogospheric hiatus (sounds like a scientific name for a disease!), me is back, ready to go crazy this Jamhuri Day weekend! There has been mob drama all up in this place. Seeing that the Prezz has been utterly shafted by all those ministerial rejections (by Jehosaphat, what did he expect by appointing a bum like Maina Kamanda as Minister for Gender and Sports? Bet that dude knows fuckall about sports!), I don't think the brotha is going to have a deadly Jamhuri day. Those White Caps will not go down with utamu as they usually do after a long day at work at State Hse. Many a golf ball will bear the brunt of his fury and frustration. I'm sure he has struck off that all-nighter at Ka-Choi this Sunday for Super Rock (and boy, won't Roosay be maaaad that she has been kaziwad the hanyee this weekend...).

    The Hanyeé's weekend will be one dotted with one festivity after the other. Living up to the name, that's all.

    - A certain pal is getting hitched today and it's such an unbelievable scene (if you know Sieka, then you will understand why) that we have to be there to take photos and ensure that there is evidence that this isn't just some long-winded hallucinatory occurrence. Plus a lot of other friends will be there, especially at the evening party...yet another good reason to dunda kiasi !

    - Yet another pal, this time a dude we grew up in my hood with, is leaving the good old club. Again, I could describe the escapades he has been thru to get thus far and thereby ruin his marriage before it even started!. Congrats (ha! ha! I should be saying "Fare Thee Well!") Maurice.

    - What's with all these people that I know and grew up with getting married? Me getting old? Hapana! Pressure to start thinking of nuptials and all? Har-de-ha-ha-ha! First it was uncles (when I was aged 0-11), older cousins (12-18), older neighbours and guys you knew from school (19-22), people you grew up with / shared a diaper pack with / went out with / who were shag-buddies (22-now)....Aaargh!!!! There's no for caving in to pressure!

    - Digressing, it's a looooong weekend! Yeah baby! A great Jamhuri Day weekend for sure! And a perfect excuse for all those Kenyans in the diaspora to dodge the RSPCA, PETA and other animal rights activists and sort out how they will sink their teeth into some juicy goat ribs. Accept no substitutes! Meanwhile, after the bones and all have ishad, don't forget to boil them (and the kichwa of course) for a fat sufuria-full of soup. Poi, I guess on Monday we can do a ka-soup instead of the chai :-)

    - Making and spending time with J. This is the bit where I type with a "Muttley the Snickering Hound" grin on my face!

    Have a funky Jamhuri Day weekend, people! And do tell what no-good you got upto (or plan to get up to) this weekend!

    Currently Listening to:
    Talib Kweli ft. John Legend - Around My Way
    John Legend - Refuge (When it's Cold Outside)
    Kanye West - Touch the Sky (samples off a tamu Curtis Mayfield classic, "Move On Up")
    Brian McKnight - Crazy Love

    Thursday, December 01, 2005

    Missing in Action (M.I.A.)

    Eyes closed
    Daylight or night
    She's not here
    Her scent's just breezed by
    I kinda see her lie
    Looking, Yearning
    Blowing kisses
    My heart's drumming
    Look who's next to her
    Fuck this, I'm not imagining
    Yet she's not here

    Girl, you're not here
    But you send senseless quivers
    Thru my mind's eye
    Same place I see
    The flash
    Me seeing
    The radiant smile
    Those soulful eyes
    Still the first time
    At my stupid jokes
    And giggling turning into mingling
    And tangling
    Ah! Satisfying

    But I feel you're not here
    Foolish assed me
    Not being there
    When your warmth
    Dumb assed me
    By the fact
    That our connection

    But when you get here
    I won't stop
    What you mean to me
    That you being here
    Is not just an
    Foolish assed me
    Won't shut these eyes
    Or let
    Some other nigga unleash
    Mad surprise

    Coz I will be here
    Eyes closed
    In a realistic dream
    You back here
    Somewhere where they belong
    You're back here

    Currently Listening to:
    Never Been in Love - Talib Kweli
    Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
    Closer - Slum Village ft. Dwele

    Tuesday, November 29, 2005

    Sijui Niseme...

    Aaaah yeah! Feeling my blog mdogo mdogo, takin this baby on a polite test type / drive / post...whatever it is you do to a new blog to get the right feel, see how many seconds you need to go from 0-60kph (find the equivalent in megabytes, O ye geeks...), get a feel of the all-leather interior, how those tyres grip the road....OK, so I am getting a bit carried away.

    This is a crazy journey I am embarking I continue to discover myself. I think of this journey as a critical path in my life that's all in my face in the form of a map. This blog, The.Hanyee, is my navigation guide for this life's compass to finding my true North. My processor to help turn all the laughter, the tears, the drunken times, the love, the loathe, the disco, the loose nyam chom plans, the quiet times I sometimes crave, the annoying, the attractive, the lust, the voices of reason, the noise, the music...into words and feelings that will be expressed thru this vessel.

    Currently Listening to:
    Break You Off - The Roots ft. Musiq
    Curious - Tony Yayo ft. Joe